Michelle Obama caught using racial slur during NH campaign stop

Disclaimer: The following post is an attempt at political satire. For those of you in Rio Linda, that means that the story below is not true (make believe), and is intended to be funny.

Portsmouth, New Hampshire - Michelle Obama has again come under scrutiny for allegedly using a racial slur during a routine campaign stop in the key battleground state of New Hampshire on Monday. While having lunch with some campaign aides, Mrs. Obama reportedly referred to a white customer seated at a nearby table as a "cracker", setting off a brief but heated exchange between the two individuals that was diffused when the Secret Service intervened.

Mrs. Obama and some campaign aides had stopped off at a restaurant in coastal New Hampshire to sample some local fare when the alleged incident occurred. The group had recently been seated at a table inside the upscale seafood restaurant in Portsmouth, New Hampshire at the time of the event.

According to eye-witnesses, Mrs. Obama had ordered a bowl of New England-style clam chowder and appeared to be enjoying it, when a man seated at a table nearby caught her attention.

Apparently desiring something off of the nearby table, Mrs. Obama pointed her finger in the man's direction and in a sharp tone said, "Please pass me that cracker".

The man, who is white, was visibly angered by the use of slur by the black woman. He immediately stood up, turned toward her and shouted back at the potential first lady: "Hey, you can't use that word --- that's OUR word!"

When Mrs. Obama failed to acknowledge the man's response and refused to apologize for the racist remark - at one point even questioning whether or not he was even speaking to her - the man became irate and the Secret Service was forced to intervene.

According to the man at whom the slur was directed, he and his girlfriend had been sharing an appetizer consisting of steamed mussels and lobster spring rolls while they waited for their entrees to arrive.

"There was only one lobster roll left on the plate", said the man, who asked not to be identified by name. "She saw me going for it, and rather than just ask me nicely if she could have it, she had to go and offend me by calling me a cracker", he continued. "I honestly would have given it to her if she hadn't resorted to name-calling", he added.

Mrs. Obama repeated the slur when she initially told reporters that she was speaking to someone seated at her own table at the time, and that she found the man's response to be irrational and without merit.

“I was talking about the crackers at my own table --- you know, in the basket next to the napkins and sweeteners. This is all just a big misunderstanding”, she said.

However, a spokesperson for the Obama campaign issued a statement late Monday night flatly denying that the incident ever took place, and claiming that Michelle Obama has never even been to New Hampshire. The campaign has since refused to answer any questions about the subject, and has threatened to cut off interviews with any news organization that raises the subject in the future.

Democratic Vice Presidential nominee Joe Biden suggested that Michelle had actually said "crack her", and was "probably trying to get someone at her table to open a bottle of ale for her, presumably one with a pop-top lid." Biden conceded however upon further questioning that it was not out of character for Mrs. Obama to threaten wait staff, and that the phrase "crack her" may have actually been directed at a waitress.

The owner of the restaurant offered the traumatized couple a $50 gift certificate in an effort to compensate for their negative experience. However, for the man targeted by the abusive hate-filled language, the damage had already been done.

"The really insulting thing about it is this claim by her that she wasn't even talking to me", said the victim.

"Like that makes it okay for her to say. Even if it were true, does she really believe that her words are any less hurtful if she said them to some white person in her own group instead of to some stranger? If I had said the n-word, would it really matter whether or not I was speaking to her directly? This whole experience has been surreal. I'm trying not to let it bother me, but as anyone who has been a victim of racism knows, that is much easier said than done."